What It Feels Like When She's Hidden
When you're not in your balanced Empress, life feels like a chase. Often too far in the masculine energy that it throws off your feminine.
This exhausts the feminine.
It looks like overgiving in relationships. Carrying the weight of everything, because you don't trust anyone else. It looks like craving love, but never feeling safe enough to truly let it in. On the outside, you may look like you have it all together. On the inside, the nervous system is overloaded, you're overthinking, and chasing the clock.
I remember it well:
I believed I had to take care of everything on my own, that if I didn't hold it all together, everything would fall apart. I attracted men who weren't ready to be men. You know, the ones that need a mommy more than a partner. To boot, two of them were highly self-absorbed manipulators.
I thought there was honor in being so independent that I didn't need any help. I wasn't going to be a high-maintenance chick! I had a tough time asking and accepting help.
Very linear in my thinking, the hustle energy, pushing through as if there was a special reward waiting for me. I was totally in my wounded self. Then I'd collapse into doing nothing. Hiding from the world. Fear of truly being seen in the case of being shamed, abandoned, and rejected.
That's not the Empress energy. That's survival.